"Bye, Mom. See you in a few months," said David, my eighteen-year-old son. He kissed me. Then he started the car and drove off to his freshman year of college, 600 miles from home.
I waved good-bye trying not to think of all the possible snares awaiting a boy leaving home.
Back in the silent house, I looked in David's room still filled with reminders of his growing-up years: Paddington Bear books and the Chronicles of Narnia we had read together; basketball trophies and school awards; coins, stamps; maps and posters. Tears came to my eyes.
A picture on the wall caught my attention. It was a small print of Sallman's Jesus as the Good Shepherd. The picture seemed to offer stillness, peace and assurance I didn't feel. The Shepherd was leading his flock down the grassy slope of a mountain valley. A river flowed nearby. In one hand the Shepherd held a crook; in the other, a lamb. He appeared to be speaking to the attentive lamb, perhaps comforting it, maybe explaining a truth about life.
I prayed, "Lord, hold my lamb David in your arms. Protect him, help him, teach him."
Then I noticed another detail in the picture. One ewe standing beside the Shepherd gazed with intense interest toward that lamb in his arm. That's the mother, I thought. She brought her lamb to Jesus. She trusted the shepherd with her lamb. But she still watched and waited, perhaps asking the shepherd to care for him, perhaps looking for reassurance.
What was the Shepherd's attitude toward the mother? He was turning toward her and allowing his shadow to shelter her from the blinding sun. He was caring and protective toward both lamb and mother!
A few weeks later, during my Bible study, I read Isaiah 40:11. "He will feed his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms, and carry them in his bosom, and gently lead the mother sheep." (NRSV) He was surely comforting this mother sheep and showing me the best thing I could do for my son: Keep carrying him to Jesus.
In one way or another I've been carrying that boy since before he was born. As he formed and grew in my womb, a new "mother love" grew in my heart that would cause me, in a sense, to be "with child" for the rest of my life.
Awhile after he was born, I carried him to the living room rug and let him crawl. Then, I carried him outside and let him feel the grass, hear the birds, smell the flowers. He learned to walk in time for me to carry his sister.
I carried the children places in the car and one day left David at school. After school, I carried him and his friends in the car--to games, field trips and church activities. One day I took him to the DMV to get his driver's license, and then he was big enough to carry me by driving me home!
I developed the practice of praying for the child I carried in my mind as he went farther from my helping hands and sheltering home. I hoped he was learning to stay in the protective embrace of God's providence, allowing God's hands of mercy to lead him.
Since David has gone to college, I have learned to carry my child in my heart--continually--to Jesus.
Mother sheep of college lambs face separations, changes, loneliness and worry. Circumstances and emotions can tear and beat at us like thorns and rocks along the path. But Jesus keeps us in the shadow of His care. He reassures us that He is holding our children in His arms. He will care for them as they learn to recognize His voice and follow Him. And He will gently lead us and our children on to new paths.
Copyright ©1994, 2006 Catherine Lawton
Women Alive! (Sep/Oct, 1997)