I have a new answer to the riddle, "What keeps getting bigger and bigger the more you take away from it?"
My nine-year-old son would say, "A hole."
But now I can say, "My heart."
A year ago I decided I had had enough of nagging spiritual hunger and dissatisfaction. I started a great search for the fullness of God in my life. You might say that I had a ground breaking that day.
The Lord said, "Break up your fallow ground, and sow not among thorns" (Jeremiah 4:3, RSV). I prayed, "Lord, I want to know the Living God, to live in You! But I feel a resistance in my heart. Make me willing."
Once my heart was finally broken open to Him through the convicting work of the Holy Spirit, God made His Word a razor sharp instrument with which He began to spade out the rocks and roots.
When He shone His light down into the dark pit He was digging, I could no longer make excuses for the things buried there. Attitudes, frustrations, fears, doubts, resentments, irritations--all were emblazoned: SIN. Each had to be confessed. The stubborn roots had to be painfully yanked out to the tips. Every stone and thorn He pulled out, rearranging the soil, opening gaps, exposing the pride and self-centeredness.
It hurt. But how wonderful to feel the Gardener close. I felt my heart softening as He worked it over. He "took out of my flesh the heart of stone and gave me a heart of flesh" (Ezekiel 36:26, RSV). Before, I had struggled with trying to keep up the duty of prayer and Bible reading. Now, I found myself bowing constantly to Him in my spirit. I was surprised at my desire and ability to fall to my knees at any time during the day, listening and agreeing with His words.
I had to face responsibility for the condition of my heart. I could no longer blame others for throwing rubbish into my heart's soil. I had allowed it to lie there, poisoning me and stealing nutrients. I had allowed the evil one to stamp on my topsoil, packing it down to uselessness.
The day came when I saw the depths of my heart's resistance to its Creator. I let go of every obstacle. Even the seemingly good trees growing there I gave up to Him to prune and dig under--relationships, home, future service.
At the moment of total release, I looked up in joyful expectancy and He flooded me with the life-giving waters of His Holy Spirit. "Behold, I am for you," He said. "I am turning to you to till you and sow you" (Ezekiel 36:9, RSV). Now the land of my heart can begin to sprout trees of righteousness. As the waters rise in my heart, these trees will bring nourishment and healing to those around me. May it be so!
I want to stay forever soft and yielding to the Husbandman of my heart, allowing Him to plant and cultivate as He desires. If He says we must dig deeper, or if a stone or hard place appears, I want Him to remove it. I don't fear this process, for the more He takes away, the larger my heart becomes, and the more of Him I can hold.
As I decrease, He increases. The less there is of me, the more there can be of Him.
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Copyright © 1984, 2006, Catherine Lawton